I will be ranking each bowl based on a few criteria that I believe will give teams a strategic advantage.
Mascot – which mascot is the rowdiest
Head coach – experience, balls, overall demeanor
Offense– who can fucking score, running backs that can hurdle defenders, one handed catches etc.
Defense-bat shit crazy linebackers with tats, poundage of defensive line, corners who wear long sleeve shirts etc.
_________________________________________________________________
San Diego County Credit Union Poinsettia Bowl
Wyoming vs. BYU
Mascot: This match-up pits Cowboy Joe (Wyoming) against Cosmo the Cougar (BYU). Ill be honest I thought BYU’s mascot was a mormon, maybe a Joseph Smith lookalike. When I googled BYU mascot and saw cougar I also was intrigued as cougars are badass. However, in typical BYU fashion they ruined something awesome by naming him Cosmo. Cougar… intimidating and tough, Cosmo the Cougar…. stuffed children’s toy with the intimidation factor score of -10000. Cowboy Joe wrangles the cougar with ease, advantage Wyoming.
Offense: Wyoming’s offense is their best defense. Their games are shootouts seeing who can keep up with them. I would give BYU a little props here but mobile QB Taysom Hill is out for the game. On pure scoring and BYU having to go with a backup QB I will give the slight edge to the Cowboys in this match-up.
Defense: Wyoming’s defense is as good at stopping opponents as Hillary Clinton is at stopping ole Donald from taking the white house. There are good defenses, bad defenses, and then there is Wyoming’s defense. They rank 122/128 in total defense and have given up an average of 34.8 points per game. BYU on the other hand ranks 28/128 and has held opponents to a respectable 19.4 points per game. BYU takes the advantage in who could pile more Five Guys into their guts (1095 lbs to 1015). BYU seems to have some badass linebackers as well. Edge, BYU Mormons.
***QB’s GF: Not going to lie I immediately thought this would be a no brainer considering the ole no making whoopee rules BYU claims to have. This was even more solidified when I searched for Josh Allen’s GF and found a solid smokeshow waiting.
BUT, it appears that relationship has ended back in 2015 as evidence below shows:
AND THEN THIS SAVAGE TWEET JUST A FEW MONTHS LATER:
So folks, with the upset of the week I am going with BYU here as Tysom Hill not only has a gorgeous girl…. but he locked her down! That’s right, wifed up, he is a smart man. Below is Mrs. Hill. Congrats to you sir!
***Disclaimer here. I researched Taysom Hill before finding out he was out for the game. Backup QB for the Mormons is Tanner Mangum and he is now engaged as well to a lovely volleyball player from BYU. So before you all judge me, know that I did my research, and I still give the title to BYU.
Head coach: Not going to lie, I spent more time on QB GF category today than I thought. And I am flustered after giving the victory to BYU so I flipped a coin and BYU got the edge.
Final verdict: Based on the above, and my patented 5 category system. The edge will go to the Mormons…. I mean Cougars of BYU. Final prediction: BYU 38 Wyoming 28.
Bonus: This prediction means a Wyoming half point cover and the over
Attendance prediction: This game will be played at Qualcomm stadium, home of the fighting Phillip Rivers. This bad boy holds about 70K and I predict it will be rather empty as the total population of Laramie, Wyoming and Provo, Utah combined is only 140K. With the assumption there are not too many BYU and Wyoming fans out in Cali I will say 18,650 for this one.
BONUS STADIUM COVERAGE: If you don’t live under a rock you know that the security at qualcomm stadium is under heavy scrutiny here (if you really don’t know, link here). I say put the guy back out there, I want to see how he reacts to Wyoming and BYU cheerleaders. I mean if he wants to get down with them on the field, more power to him.
Check back in daily for the next update, I’ll be right back.
Be Right Back 