Category: Uncategorized

I find myself wanting to comment on Tiger woods today. As news came to light of his 10,000th back surgery this week, my friends are all saying he is done and washed up. Maybe he has seen his last win on the tour, maybe he will never play again, but let’s not forget what he did before Perkins waitresses. 

As a kid, I never watched golf….. until Tiger. The man single handedly changed the sport of golf forever. He took golf from a boring game to an electrifying one. He made millions of people actually watch hours of mind numbing tv every weekend. He made completely unknown tournaments into household names just by playing in them. He turned an old mans game into an entertainment sport in a few years. Speaking for myself here (but I have a suspission this is the for a large percentage of golf fans my age), I didn’t even know who he golf legends were until Tiger got me into golf. When I ask guys my age who the best golfer of all time is, I hear only a few names generally; Tiger, jack, and Arnold. Where I ask them when they started watching golf the answer is almost always the same : when Tiger started playing. Yes, that happened to be right when my generation was old enough to become a fan of any sport or player, but still Tiger drove a lot of that. I wouldn’t have known Jacks 18 major record, or Sam Sneads win record if it wasn’t for Tiger trying to break them! 

Outside of actually playing the sport, Tiger literally carried Nike golf. And turned golf equipment and apparel into the booming industry it is today. Everyone wanted what Tiger had from clothes to clubs to balls. 

Rather than talking about how Tiger is done and washed up, I’m changing the conversation to what it should be, talking about what he did for the sport. It can be debated if Tiger is the greatest to ever play the game, personally I think he is, but that is for another time. It can be debated if he had the most dominant stretch of golf ever to be played. It can be debated whether he will ever play or win again. BUT, what I do not think can be debated is this: Golf would not be what it is today without Tiger, put another way, Tiger is the most influential man to ever play golf. 

As always, I’ll Brb. 

As a note, this can also all be summarized by Robin Williams stand up but on golf, linked here. 

Hello again world. I took quite the leave of absence over the past few months but I have returned to the porcelain goddess to enlighten you all with my hot takes.

First off, congrats to you Mr. Brady! You not only just became the greatest QB of all time in my mind, but gave the ultimate fuck you to Mr. Goodell, which is amazing. You now have 5 rings, a smokeshow wife (who makes more money than you, jackpot), and the Superbowl record for passing yards….. What more could a man want. Brady 2020?

To all those doubting his greatness, comment below and I will send you a bag of dicks (yes, it exists here). I am not sure how this fact has flown under the radar but just think about this for one second… HE WON A SUPERBOWL WITH NO RECEIVERS OVER 6’1″ (and 3 of them were tiny white guys).

Lets take a look at the draft position of his offensive weapons:

Chris “Inverse Hulk” Hogan: Undrafted Free Agent

Danny “Queen” Amendola: Undrafted Free Agent

James “Brown” White: 130th Pick (by Patriots)

Dion Lewis: 149th pick

Julian “Ladies and” Edelman: 232nd pick

Malcolm “In the Middle of the Offense” Mitchell: 112th pick (by Patriots)

LeGarrette “Hold My” Blount: Undrafted Free Agent

Brandon Bolden: Undrafted Free Agent

So the highest pick of the skill players would made any impact this year was 112th and it was by the Patriots themselves.

*Yes, I know I am leaving out Gronk, he is obviously the best receiver on the team but he had a small impact this year and none in the post season (He was drafted 42nd by the Pats)*

Shit, the man basically took the 06-07 Cavs to the NBA title game and people are still not giving him credit.

As for the game itself, what a rollercoaster of emotions! It went from a terribly boring game to one of the best 4th quarters in Superbowl history. On a tangent, commercials suck these days, someone needs to step it up (I will be posting later on this). The Patriots lost the game in the first half, Falcons lost the game in the second half, and Finally someone won the game in OT. I will admit I was pulling for the Pats just to see Goodell’s reaction and it did not disappoint. BUT, as the comeback was in full effect, I started to root for the Falcons as I was worried for the safety of their fans. I envisioned them all jumping off the closest building and then burning Matt Ryan’s jersey.

For all you Falcons fans crying about “his knee was down”, or “the game is rigged”, fuck off. I didn’t see any of you up in arms in the first half when the Pats seemingly blocked an extra point but was called back for an atrocious Illegal Formation call that was completely wrong. It was a great game, and a game I will remember forever. To commemorate this amazing game, I have compiled my favorite internet memes as seen below.

I do not take credit for any of these, I just found them through various social media outlets:

Brady Saltbae

Classic Eli

Hilarious Meme but look at the comment (cannot confirm if this is real)

Well folks that is all for this post. My legs are completely numb at this point from sitting here for so long. I’ll Be Right Back.

*** I feel especially bad for Julio Jones, the man is the best in the game and his catches were nothing short of spectacular

 

All, I will not be blogging during the holidays outside of the occasional post. 

From time to time you must roll the dice and use a public toilet. This continuous thread will be my short thoughts as I contemplate if I’m sitting on someone else’s piss. 

12/23/16- if you park your truck So that you take two spots I hope you get door dinged you prick.

Also, if cops care so much about wearing a seatbelt, why are there no seatbelts on school buses…. that are full of young children. 

Grayson Allen is a whiny little bitch but everyone is completely overreacting. 

The kid trips a few people and everyone loses their shit. It’s no worse than a hard intentional foul and no one has gotten hurt so calm yourself people. Yea, it’s wrong and he should be punished but lord people are acting like he is a serial killer here.

Fran Mccaffrey gets pissed off easily and does Fran things. 

This is no different than a player bat flipping after a HR and the coach tells the pitcher to hit him next time up. Unwritten rule is broken and the coach reacts, it’s part of all sports. Deal with it.

Our society/sports are getting so charmin soft it’s nauseating. Watch clips of a football or basketball game 30 years ago. QB’s getting their head ripped off was just a good hit, intentionally fouling a guy on a breakaway layup was just a tough play, and there was no such thing as a “defenseless” player. Don’t get me wrong, I am all for player safety, but damn, sports come with injury possibilities. You know what you sign up for, and are paid millions for. At this pace the QB will toss on a red vest and if you touch him you will be kicked out of the league. 

Media, Fans, Public— quit your bitchin.

Be right back. 

Hello again, as I shit here reflecting on my day, I thought I would lay virtual pen to virtual pad. First, an shootout bowl game ended 51-31 in favor of the red blob things of western Kentucky. I’ll mark that down as 1 for 1 in my completely meaningless, yet spot on bowl prediction. Second, I want to address the stories I am seeing of players not playing in their bowl game to focus on the NFL draft. Fucking Charmin….. soft. I get that the bowl game doesn’t really matter and there is a threat of injury that could cost you precious draft spots and in the end dollars. But listen, you’re being a real sally, and a big bag of coal and karma are gonna be in your stockings for Christmas. Just think about the dad that surprised his 8 year old son with bowl game tickets for his birthday. The kid is so excited and refuses to wear anything but his Fournette, or Mccaffrey, or Linwood jersey until the game. Now hat dad has to explain to his son that his hero won’t be playing because he doesn’t wanna get a boo boo. The kid is crushed and refuses to play football ever again in spite of his hero. That kids dreams are ruined and that is on you. If you can live with crushing a little kids dreams, go ahead skip the game, he won’t forget and either will I. You have an obligation to your school, fans, coaches and other players to play your ass off for all of your games. The bowl game still counts, they keep score, it will be in the record books. 

Rebuttal: Great points! But these bowls mean nothing at all and an injury could cost them millions of dollars and maybe even their career. 

Response: Great question! Well then why play any games after you’re out of contention for the playoff? Might as well just sit out every game if you know you won’t make the top 4. It’s football, injuries happen. What if forunette plays and tears his ACL therefor dropping his draft stock to another team where he has a great career after recovering from injury. A career that would’ve never happened if he got drafted to the damn browns. 

Rebuttal: 

Response: 1 damn guy gets injured in a bowl game (He has said he would still play in the game if he had to live it all over again) and everyone goes crazy. He is making 6.5 million over 4 years and is on one of the best teams in football, he will be ok

This is a very slippery slope. I can see players pulling out left and right now and if that continues to happen, bowl games may be irrelevant. 

For what it’s worth, if I’m Forunette, I’m playing and hoping for an injury so I don’t have to play for the 0-16, where talent goes to die, browns. 

Hello bored ass individuals who have stumbled upon the random shit that comes into my brain. I had an epiphany the other day while taking a shit. After, wasting a few minutes trying to fathom how people actually shit before smart phones, I realized how much time daily I spend on the toilet. Instead of wasting that time playing games, checking social media, or sending my friends pictures of my beautiful creations I will blog. Basically I am just gonna put anything I think of on here, focusing on sports and cool shit. I have no idea how this works so gimme some slack until I can get it going. Ill post weekly sports picks, as well so I don’t lose money but you poor saps who listen to what I say will. Oh, shit, a little about me…. I enjoy whiskey, sports, karaoking rap songs on snapchat, traffic stats, and coffee (as a necessity for living).