Category: Bowl Predictions

On The Toilet Bowl Prediction Idaho vs. Colorado State in the Famous Idaho Potato Bowl

by berightbacksports, posted in Bowl Predictions

I will be ranking each bowl based on a few criteria that I believe will give teams a strategic advantage.

Mascot – which mascot is the rowdiest

Head coach – experience, balls, overall demeanor

Offense– who can fucking score, running backs that can hurdle defenders, one handed catches etc.

Defense-bat shit crazy linebackers with tats, poundage of defensive line, corners who wear long sleeve shirts etc.

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Famous Idaho Potato Bowl

Idaho vs. Colorado State (aka the fighting Larry Eustachy’s… yea I know he is the basketball coach but the man is rowdy and loves to party)

Mascot: Cam the Ram vs. Joe Vandal today. I always have a lean towards the rams, as well as the fighting Larry Eustachy’s, but after some research, Joe Vandal’s origin is quite interesting (found here). For those who are too lazy to click, here is a quick summary, “Idaho’s student-athletes go by a name earned nearly a century ago by a basketball team coached by Hec Edmunson, whose teams played defense with such intensity and ferocity that sports writers said they “vandalized” their opponents.”. New rule, if I don’t know what your mascot is right off the bat, you lose. Edge to the Rams.

Offense: Colorado State’s offense is one of the more confusing statistical offenses around. Two QB’s with over 1000 yards, 3 RB’s with over 500 yards, 10 different receivers who have caught touchdowns. They do have a receiver with a badass last name in Gallup which helps their cause. On the other side of the ball Idaho airs the ball out and as I have mentioned in my criteria above, I love this shit. The Rams rank 45th in total offense to the Vandal’s 94th. No real difference makers on this side of the ball, edge to the Rams again.

Defense: Idaho leads the charge in fatness on the line 1159 to 1090 which gives them my early edge. Honestly, this category is very underwhelming today so based on the fact Idaho could eat more cheeseburgers, going with the Vandals here.

QB’s GF: Today marks a first folks. I cannot find a QB GF. I know you are thinking, I have failed, not a great start to the blog. It appears that Idaho QB Matt Linehan keeps his dating life a secret to the world. BUT, I have a solution! Upon looking at Matt’s twitter I found another very important person in his life, his dog. So without further ado, I give you the first ever Dog vs. GF review.

Nick Stevens appears to have been with his GF for quite some time (4+ years) and they look like a happy couple. I am not big on the red lipstick so definitely docking some points on that, but nice work young man. On the Vandal’s side, we have an adorable yellow lab(?) who Matt Linehan commonly refers to as his son. Everyone has a soft spot for dogs, I mean they are a mans best friend after all. This is a lot tougher than I thought it would be but based on the rules of the game I will have to side with CO State here due to disqualification. Lets be real here, I think we know who will stick with the guys the longest and it isn’t miss makeup below.

** Edited thought, No GF is probably the way to go as starting QB at a D1 school. Sew your wild oats Mr. Linehan.

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Head coach: Mike Bobo vs. Paul Petrino. Another close match-up here as we have two relatively new head coaches (2nd year for Bobo and 3rd for Petrino). I vaguely remember Bobo slanging the ball around at Georgia back in the late 90’s down at Georgia so early edge to him. Petrino has taken the Vandals from a 1 win season in 2014 to bowl eligible this year which is mighty impressive. If you google Bobo the first picture that comes up makes him look like an absolute serial killer whereas Petrino looks as harmless as a stuffed teddy bear. Very close but going with Petrino and the Vandals here.

Final verdict: Based on the above, and my patented 5 category system. The edge will go to the Rams of Colorado State. A part of me really wants to take the Vandals here as they will be relegated to FCS in the near future do to, well, its fucking Idaho. Final prediction: Co State 42, Idaho 24

Bonus: This prediction means Colorado State will cover the lofty 15 point spread. 

Attendance prediction: This game will be played at Albertsons Stadium, home of Boise State. As we all enjoy the blue turf from our warm living rooms, some idiots… I mean die hard fans, will venture to the lovely city of Boise to cheer on their squad. I did see a tweet that Colorado State has sold an incredible 425 tickets total to this game which helps the prediction. Gonna go with 2200 fans at this one but I will be shocked if it is that high.

Check back in daily for the next update, I’ll be right back. 

On The Toilet Bowl Prediction Wyoming vs. BYU in the San Diego County Credit Union Poinsettia Bowl

by berightbacksports, posted in Bowl Predictions

I will be ranking each bowl based on a few criteria that I believe will give teams a strategic advantage.

Mascot – which mascot is the rowdiest

Head coach – experience, balls, overall demeanor

Offense– who can fucking score, running backs that can hurdle defenders, one handed catches etc.

Defense-bat shit crazy linebackers with tats, poundage of defensive line, corners who wear long sleeve shirts etc.

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San Diego County Credit Union Poinsettia Bowl

Wyoming vs. BYU

Mascot: This match-up pits Cowboy Joe (Wyoming) against Cosmo the Cougar (BYU). Ill be honest I thought BYU’s mascot was a mormon, maybe a Joseph Smith lookalike. When I googled BYU mascot and saw cougar I also was intrigued as cougars are badass. However, in typical BYU fashion they ruined something awesome by naming him Cosmo. Cougar… intimidating and tough, Cosmo the Cougar…. stuffed children’s toy with the intimidation factor score of -10000. Cowboy Joe wrangles the cougar with ease, advantage Wyoming.

Offense: Wyoming’s offense is their best defense. Their games are shootouts seeing who can keep up with them. I would give BYU a little props here but mobile QB Taysom Hill is out for the game. On pure scoring and BYU having to go with a backup QB I will give the slight edge to the Cowboys in this match-up.

Defense: Wyoming’s defense is as good at stopping opponents as Hillary Clinton is at stopping ole Donald from taking the white house. There are good defenses, bad defenses, and then there is Wyoming’s defense. They rank 122/128 in total defense and have given up an average of 34.8 points per game. BYU on the other hand ranks 28/128 and has held opponents to a respectable 19.4 points per game. BYU takes the advantage in who could pile more Five Guys into their guts (1095 lbs to 1015). BYU seems to have some badass linebackers as well. Edge, BYU Mormons.

***QB’s GF: Not going to lie I immediately thought this would be a no brainer considering the ole no making whoopee rules BYU claims to have. This was even more solidified when I searched for Josh Allen’s GF and found a solid smokeshow waiting.

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BUT, it appears that relationship has ended back in 2015 as evidence below shows:

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AND THEN THIS SAVAGE TWEET JUST A FEW MONTHS LATER:

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So folks, with the upset of the week I am going with BYU here as Tysom Hill not only has a gorgeous girl…. but he locked her down! That’s right, wifed up, he is a smart man. Below is Mrs. Hill. Congrats to you sir!

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***Disclaimer here. I researched Taysom Hill before finding out he was out for the game. Backup QB for the Mormons is Tanner Mangum and he is now engaged as well to a lovely volleyball player from BYU. So before you all judge me, know that I did my research, and I still give the title to BYU. 

Head coach: Not going to lie, I spent more time on QB GF category today than I thought. And I am flustered after giving the victory to BYU so I flipped a coin and BYU got the edge.

Final verdict: Based on the above, and my patented 5 category system. The edge will go to the Mormons…. I mean Cougars of BYU. Final prediction: BYU 38 Wyoming 28. 

Bonus: This prediction means a Wyoming half point cover and the over 

Attendance prediction: This game will be played at Qualcomm stadium, home of the fighting Phillip Rivers. This bad boy holds about 70K and I predict it will be rather empty as the total population of Laramie, Wyoming and Provo, Utah combined is only 140K. With the assumption there are not too many BYU and Wyoming fans out in Cali I will say 18,650 for this one.

BONUS STADIUM COVERAGE: If you don’t live under a rock you know that the security at qualcomm stadium is under heavy scrutiny here (if you really don’t know, link here). I say put the guy back out there, I want to see how he reacts to Wyoming and BYU cheerleaders. I mean if he wants to get down with them on the field, more power to him.

 

Check back in daily for the next update, I’ll be right back. 

On The Toilet Bowl Prediction WKU vs. Memphis in the unofficially official Barstool Bowl.

by berightbacksports, posted in Bowl Predictions, Uncategorized

Late to the game on this one but let’s be real no one gives a shit about any of the bowl games that have occurred. Hell there we more people in the Starbucks drive through than at most of these games. Without further ado here all all my picks. All research, and writing done from my office, aka the first stall in my offices bathroom.

I will be ranking each bowl based on a few criteria that I believe will give teams a strategic advantage.

Mascot – which mascot is the rowdiest

Head coach – experience, balls, overall demeanor

Offense– who can fucking score, running backs that can hurdle defenders, one handed catches etc.

Defense-bat shit crazy linebackers with tats, poundage of defensive line, corners who wear long sleeve shirts etc.

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The Wet Your Beak, Ponzi Scheme Awareness Bowl Presented by Pardon My Take Presented by Barstool Sports Bowl (formerly known as the Boca Raton Bowl)

Western Kentucky vs. Memphis 

Mascot: this is a tough one as normally I tend to favor the obscure. But I have literally no fucking clue what western Kentucky’s mascot even is. After some googling it appears to be a big red blob. Memphis has a live fucking tiger. Edge to Memphis.

Offense: WKU has a QB who has thrown over 4K yards and two 1000+ yard receivers. Memphis can also score but when looking up rush stats on ESPN for Memphis I got an invalid URL error so fuck em. Edge to WKU

Defense: Both of these defenses are about as easy to run through as the Tri-Delta sorority at Arizona State. WKU holds a slight edge in amount of quarter pounders that the line could consume with 1130 total pounds on the line to 1050 for Memphis. Memphis does have a solid neck tat game in their line-backing core but WKU combats that with flat tops and dreads in theirs. No edge to either team here, expecting this to be a shootout.

QB’s GF: This is a tough one but giving the edge to WKU. QB Mike White’s gf is not only a smokeshow but also a teacher to kids who have autism. I’m a sucker for teachers so gotta go with WKU here, but you be the judge.

Head coach: This may be the most lopsided category in this match-up of perennial mediocrities. Mike Norvell of Memphis played some college ball and has worked his way up through the system as assistant and coordinator and now head coach for one season at Memphis. Jeff Brohm of WKU however has a resume for the ages, he has coached arena football, college football, and my personal favorite, played in the XFL (Link to an amazing video here). Actually I don’t care if Memphis had Belichick coaching, you play in the XFL you got my respect. Hard advantage to WKU here

Final verdict: Based on the above, and my patented 5 category system. The edge will go to the Hilltoppers of WKU. The big red blob swallows the tigers here in a shootout, 52-45

Attendance prediction: Kentucky and Memphis are not exceedingly far from Boca Raton and provides for a dual purpose vacation. Capacity of the stadium is just shy of 30,000 but it will be a miracle to fill even half. Of course the official count will be much higher than appears so I’ll say 6,950, book it.

Check back in daily for the next update, I’ll be right back.