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Random thoughts from my NYC office shitter.

by berightbacksports, posted in Uncategorized

I find myself wanting to comment on Tiger woods today. As news came to light of his 10,000th back surgery this week, my friends are all saying he is done and washed up. Maybe he has seen his last win on the tour, maybe he will never play again, but let’s not forget what he did before Perkins waitresses. 

As a kid, I never watched golf….. until Tiger. The man single handedly changed the sport of golf forever. He took golf from a boring game to an electrifying one. He made millions of people actually watch hours of mind numbing tv every weekend. He made completely unknown tournaments into household names just by playing in them. He turned an old mans game into an entertainment sport in a few years. Speaking for myself here (but I have a suspission this is the for a large percentage of golf fans my age), I didn’t even know who he golf legends were until Tiger got me into golf. When I ask guys my age who the best golfer of all time is, I hear only a few names generally; Tiger, jack, and Arnold. Where I ask them when they started watching golf the answer is almost always the same : when Tiger started playing. Yes, that happened to be right when my generation was old enough to become a fan of any sport or player, but still Tiger drove a lot of that. I wouldn’t have known Jacks 18 major record, or Sam Sneads win record if it wasn’t for Tiger trying to break them! 

Outside of actually playing the sport, Tiger literally carried Nike golf. And turned golf equipment and apparel into the booming industry it is today. Everyone wanted what Tiger had from clothes to clubs to balls. 

Rather than talking about how Tiger is done and washed up, I’m changing the conversation to what it should be, talking about what he did for the sport. It can be debated if Tiger is the greatest to ever play the game, personally I think he is, but that is for another time. It can be debated if he had the most dominant stretch of golf ever to be played. It can be debated whether he will ever play or win again. BUT, what I do not think can be debated is this: Golf would not be what it is today without Tiger, put another way, Tiger is the most influential man to ever play golf. 

As always, I’ll Brb. 

As a note, this can also all be summarized by Robin Williams stand up but on golf, linked here. 

I’m Back. Post Super Bowl Thoughts.

by berightbacksports, posted in Uncategorized

Hello again world. I took quite the leave of absence over the past few months but I have returned to the porcelain goddess to enlighten you all with my hot takes.

First off, congrats to you Mr. Brady! You not only just became the greatest QB of all time in my mind, but gave the ultimate fuck you to Mr. Goodell, which is amazing. You now have 5 rings, a smokeshow wife (who makes more money than you, jackpot), and the Superbowl record for passing yards….. What more could a man want. Brady 2020?

To all those doubting his greatness, comment below and I will send you a bag of dicks (yes, it exists here). I am not sure how this fact has flown under the radar but just think about this for one second… HE WON A SUPERBOWL WITH NO RECEIVERS OVER 6’1″ (and 3 of them were tiny white guys).

Lets take a look at the draft position of his offensive weapons:

Chris “Inverse Hulk” Hogan: Undrafted Free Agent

Danny “Queen” Amendola: Undrafted Free Agent

James “Brown” White: 130th Pick (by Patriots)

Dion Lewis: 149th pick

Julian “Ladies and” Edelman: 232nd pick

Malcolm “In the Middle of the Offense” Mitchell: 112th pick (by Patriots)

LeGarrette “Hold My” Blount: Undrafted Free Agent

Brandon Bolden: Undrafted Free Agent

So the highest pick of the skill players would made any impact this year was 112th and it was by the Patriots themselves.

*Yes, I know I am leaving out Gronk, he is obviously the best receiver on the team but he had a small impact this year and none in the post season (He was drafted 42nd by the Pats)*

Shit, the man basically took the 06-07 Cavs to the NBA title game and people are still not giving him credit.

As for the game itself, what a rollercoaster of emotions! It went from a terribly boring game to one of the best 4th quarters in Superbowl history. On a tangent, commercials suck these days, someone needs to step it up (I will be posting later on this). The Patriots lost the game in the first half, Falcons lost the game in the second half, and Finally someone won the game in OT. I will admit I was pulling for the Pats just to see Goodell’s reaction and it did not disappoint. BUT, as the comeback was in full effect, I started to root for the Falcons as I was worried for the safety of their fans. I envisioned them all jumping off the closest building and then burning Matt Ryan’s jersey.

For all you Falcons fans crying about “his knee was down”, or “the game is rigged”, fuck off. I didn’t see any of you up in arms in the first half when the Pats seemingly blocked an extra point but was called back for an atrocious Illegal Formation call that was completely wrong. It was a great game, and a game I will remember forever. To commemorate this amazing game, I have compiled my favorite internet memes as seen below.

I do not take credit for any of these, I just found them through various social media outlets:

Brady Saltbae

cropped_brady_saltbae

Classic Eli

image1-10

Hilarious Meme but look at the comment (cannot confirm if this is real)

image2-3

Well folks that is all for this post. My legs are completely numb at this point from sitting here for so long. I’ll Be Right Back.

*** I feel especially bad for Julio Jones, the man is the best in the game and his catches were nothing short of spectacular

 

PSA – Public Shit Announcement 

by berightbacksports, posted in Uncategorized

From time to time you must roll the dice and use a public toilet. This continuous thread will be my short thoughts as I contemplate if I’m sitting on someone else’s piss. 

12/23/16- if you park your truck So that you take two spots I hope you get door dinged you prick.

Also, if cops care so much about wearing a seatbelt, why are there no seatbelts on school buses…. that are full of young children. 

On The Toilet Bowl Prediction Idaho vs. Colorado State in the Famous Idaho Potato Bowl

by berightbacksports, posted in Bowl Predictions

I will be ranking each bowl based on a few criteria that I believe will give teams a strategic advantage.

Mascot – which mascot is the rowdiest

Head coach – experience, balls, overall demeanor

Offense– who can fucking score, running backs that can hurdle defenders, one handed catches etc.

Defense-bat shit crazy linebackers with tats, poundage of defensive line, corners who wear long sleeve shirts etc.

_________________________________________________________________

Famous Idaho Potato Bowl

Idaho vs. Colorado State (aka the fighting Larry Eustachy’s… yea I know he is the basketball coach but the man is rowdy and loves to party)

Mascot: Cam the Ram vs. Joe Vandal today. I always have a lean towards the rams, as well as the fighting Larry Eustachy’s, but after some research, Joe Vandal’s origin is quite interesting (found here). For those who are too lazy to click, here is a quick summary, “Idaho’s student-athletes go by a name earned nearly a century ago by a basketball team coached by Hec Edmunson, whose teams played defense with such intensity and ferocity that sports writers said they “vandalized” their opponents.”. New rule, if I don’t know what your mascot is right off the bat, you lose. Edge to the Rams.

Offense: Colorado State’s offense is one of the more confusing statistical offenses around. Two QB’s with over 1000 yards, 3 RB’s with over 500 yards, 10 different receivers who have caught touchdowns. They do have a receiver with a badass last name in Gallup which helps their cause. On the other side of the ball Idaho airs the ball out and as I have mentioned in my criteria above, I love this shit. The Rams rank 45th in total offense to the Vandal’s 94th. No real difference makers on this side of the ball, edge to the Rams again.

Defense: Idaho leads the charge in fatness on the line 1159 to 1090 which gives them my early edge. Honestly, this category is very underwhelming today so based on the fact Idaho could eat more cheeseburgers, going with the Vandals here.

QB’s GF: Today marks a first folks. I cannot find a QB GF. I know you are thinking, I have failed, not a great start to the blog. It appears that Idaho QB Matt Linehan keeps his dating life a secret to the world. BUT, I have a solution! Upon looking at Matt’s twitter I found another very important person in his life, his dog. So without further ado, I give you the first ever Dog vs. GF review.

Nick Stevens appears to have been with his GF for quite some time (4+ years) and they look like a happy couple. I am not big on the red lipstick so definitely docking some points on that, but nice work young man. On the Vandal’s side, we have an adorable yellow lab(?) who Matt Linehan commonly refers to as his son. Everyone has a soft spot for dogs, I mean they are a mans best friend after all. This is a lot tougher than I thought it would be but based on the rules of the game I will have to side with CO State here due to disqualification. Lets be real here, I think we know who will stick with the guys the longest and it isn’t miss makeup below.

** Edited thought, No GF is probably the way to go as starting QB at a D1 school. Sew your wild oats Mr. Linehan.

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Head coach: Mike Bobo vs. Paul Petrino. Another close match-up here as we have two relatively new head coaches (2nd year for Bobo and 3rd for Petrino). I vaguely remember Bobo slanging the ball around at Georgia back in the late 90’s down at Georgia so early edge to him. Petrino has taken the Vandals from a 1 win season in 2014 to bowl eligible this year which is mighty impressive. If you google Bobo the first picture that comes up makes him look like an absolute serial killer whereas Petrino looks as harmless as a stuffed teddy bear. Very close but going with Petrino and the Vandals here.

Final verdict: Based on the above, and my patented 5 category system. The edge will go to the Rams of Colorado State. A part of me really wants to take the Vandals here as they will be relegated to FCS in the near future do to, well, its fucking Idaho. Final prediction: Co State 42, Idaho 24

Bonus: This prediction means Colorado State will cover the lofty 15 point spread. 

Attendance prediction: This game will be played at Albertsons Stadium, home of Boise State. As we all enjoy the blue turf from our warm living rooms, some idiots… I mean die hard fans, will venture to the lovely city of Boise to cheer on their squad. I did see a tweet that Colorado State has sold an incredible 425 tickets total to this game which helps the prediction. Gonna go with 2200 fans at this one but I will be shocked if it is that high.

Check back in daily for the next update, I’ll be right back. 

Late night thoughts from the pot.

by berightbacksports, posted in Uncategorized

Grayson Allen is a whiny little bitch but everyone is completely overreacting. 

The kid trips a few people and everyone loses their shit. It’s no worse than a hard intentional foul and no one has gotten hurt so calm yourself people. Yea, it’s wrong and he should be punished but lord people are acting like he is a serial killer here.

Fran Mccaffrey gets pissed off easily and does Fran things. 

This is no different than a player bat flipping after a HR and the coach tells the pitcher to hit him next time up. Unwritten rule is broken and the coach reacts, it’s part of all sports. Deal with it.

Our society/sports are getting so charmin soft it’s nauseating. Watch clips of a football or basketball game 30 years ago. QB’s getting their head ripped off was just a good hit, intentionally fouling a guy on a breakaway layup was just a tough play, and there was no such thing as a “defenseless” player. Don’t get me wrong, I am all for player safety, but damn, sports come with injury possibilities. You know what you sign up for, and are paid millions for. At this pace the QB will toss on a red vest and if you touch him you will be kicked out of the league. 

Media, Fans, Public— quit your bitchin.

Be right back. 

New Segment: The mandatory after Coffee #betstuff picks of the day.

by berightbacksports, posted in Uncategorized

I don’t drink coffee every day, but when I do, it is quickly followed by a trip to the office. With that being said, when this occurs, I will give you my betting lines of the day.

12/21/2016

NBA:

Houston -5 at the Suns

Rationale: Rockets are 11-5 on the road and lead the league in 3 pointers made. Suns are 4-8 at home and are second to last in 3 point percentage allowed. They also give up the second most points in the league per game. Rockets for days.

College Bball:

Kentucky +1 at Louisville

Rationale: Whenever I can get Kentucky as an underdog I am going to take it.

College Football:

Wyoming +10.5

Rationale: I think BYU wins this game but with their starting QB out and Wyoming’s ability to score I think they keep it close or come in with a back door cover.

Check back in daily for the next update, I’ll be right back. 

***The opinions in this segment are that of a loyal group of friends of mine. I give them credit for most all picks you will see, they win money, I flush it down the toilet. ***

On The Toilet Bowl Prediction Wyoming vs. BYU in the San Diego County Credit Union Poinsettia Bowl

by berightbacksports, posted in Bowl Predictions

I will be ranking each bowl based on a few criteria that I believe will give teams a strategic advantage.

Mascot – which mascot is the rowdiest

Head coach – experience, balls, overall demeanor

Offense– who can fucking score, running backs that can hurdle defenders, one handed catches etc.

Defense-bat shit crazy linebackers with tats, poundage of defensive line, corners who wear long sleeve shirts etc.

_________________________________________________________________

San Diego County Credit Union Poinsettia Bowl

Wyoming vs. BYU

Mascot: This match-up pits Cowboy Joe (Wyoming) against Cosmo the Cougar (BYU). Ill be honest I thought BYU’s mascot was a mormon, maybe a Joseph Smith lookalike. When I googled BYU mascot and saw cougar I also was intrigued as cougars are badass. However, in typical BYU fashion they ruined something awesome by naming him Cosmo. Cougar… intimidating and tough, Cosmo the Cougar…. stuffed children’s toy with the intimidation factor score of -10000. Cowboy Joe wrangles the cougar with ease, advantage Wyoming.

Offense: Wyoming’s offense is their best defense. Their games are shootouts seeing who can keep up with them. I would give BYU a little props here but mobile QB Taysom Hill is out for the game. On pure scoring and BYU having to go with a backup QB I will give the slight edge to the Cowboys in this match-up.

Defense: Wyoming’s defense is as good at stopping opponents as Hillary Clinton is at stopping ole Donald from taking the white house. There are good defenses, bad defenses, and then there is Wyoming’s defense. They rank 122/128 in total defense and have given up an average of 34.8 points per game. BYU on the other hand ranks 28/128 and has held opponents to a respectable 19.4 points per game. BYU takes the advantage in who could pile more Five Guys into their guts (1095 lbs to 1015). BYU seems to have some badass linebackers as well. Edge, BYU Mormons.

***QB’s GF: Not going to lie I immediately thought this would be a no brainer considering the ole no making whoopee rules BYU claims to have. This was even more solidified when I searched for Josh Allen’s GF and found a solid smokeshow waiting.

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BUT, it appears that relationship has ended back in 2015 as evidence below shows:

capture

AND THEN THIS SAVAGE TWEET JUST A FEW MONTHS LATER:

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So folks, with the upset of the week I am going with BYU here as Tysom Hill not only has a gorgeous girl…. but he locked her down! That’s right, wifed up, he is a smart man. Below is Mrs. Hill. Congrats to you sir!

taysom-hill-wife-4

***Disclaimer here. I researched Taysom Hill before finding out he was out for the game. Backup QB for the Mormons is Tanner Mangum and he is now engaged as well to a lovely volleyball player from BYU. So before you all judge me, know that I did my research, and I still give the title to BYU. 

Head coach: Not going to lie, I spent more time on QB GF category today than I thought. And I am flustered after giving the victory to BYU so I flipped a coin and BYU got the edge.

Final verdict: Based on the above, and my patented 5 category system. The edge will go to the Mormons…. I mean Cougars of BYU. Final prediction: BYU 38 Wyoming 28. 

Bonus: This prediction means a Wyoming half point cover and the over 

Attendance prediction: This game will be played at Qualcomm stadium, home of the fighting Phillip Rivers. This bad boy holds about 70K and I predict it will be rather empty as the total population of Laramie, Wyoming and Provo, Utah combined is only 140K. With the assumption there are not too many BYU and Wyoming fans out in Cali I will say 18,650 for this one.

BONUS STADIUM COVERAGE: If you don’t live under a rock you know that the security at qualcomm stadium is under heavy scrutiny here (if you really don’t know, link here). I say put the guy back out there, I want to see how he reacts to Wyoming and BYU cheerleaders. I mean if he wants to get down with them on the field, more power to him.

 

Check back in daily for the next update, I’ll be right back. 

Late night thoughts from the pot

by berightbacksports, posted in Uncategorized

Hello again, as I shit here reflecting on my day, I thought I would lay virtual pen to virtual pad. First, an shootout bowl game ended 51-31 in favor of the red blob things of western Kentucky. I’ll mark that down as 1 for 1 in my completely meaningless, yet spot on bowl prediction. Second, I want to address the stories I am seeing of players not playing in their bowl game to focus on the NFL draft. Fucking Charmin….. soft. I get that the bowl game doesn’t really matter and there is a threat of injury that could cost you precious draft spots and in the end dollars. But listen, you’re being a real sally, and a big bag of coal and karma are gonna be in your stockings for Christmas. Just think about the dad that surprised his 8 year old son with bowl game tickets for his birthday. The kid is so excited and refuses to wear anything but his Fournette, or Mccaffrey, or Linwood jersey until the game. Now hat dad has to explain to his son that his hero won’t be playing because he doesn’t wanna get a boo boo. The kid is crushed and refuses to play football ever again in spite of his hero. That kids dreams are ruined and that is on you. If you can live with crushing a little kids dreams, go ahead skip the game, he won’t forget and either will I. You have an obligation to your school, fans, coaches and other players to play your ass off for all of your games. The bowl game still counts, they keep score, it will be in the record books. 

Rebuttal: Great points! But these bowls mean nothing at all and an injury could cost them millions of dollars and maybe even their career. 

Response: Great question! Well then why play any games after you’re out of contention for the playoff? Might as well just sit out every game if you know you won’t make the top 4. It’s football, injuries happen. What if forunette plays and tears his ACL therefor dropping his draft stock to another team where he has a great career after recovering from injury. A career that would’ve never happened if he got drafted to the damn browns. 

Rebuttal: 

Response: 1 damn guy gets injured in a bowl game (He has said he would still play in the game if he had to live it all over again) and everyone goes crazy. He is making 6.5 million over 4 years and is on one of the best teams in football, he will be ok

This is a very slippery slope. I can see players pulling out left and right now and if that continues to happen, bowl games may be irrelevant. 

For what it’s worth, if I’m Forunette, I’m playing and hoping for an injury so I don’t have to play for the 0-16, where talent goes to die, browns. 

On The Toilet Bowl Prediction WKU vs. Memphis in the unofficially official Barstool Bowl.

by berightbacksports, posted in Bowl Predictions, Uncategorized

Late to the game on this one but let’s be real no one gives a shit about any of the bowl games that have occurred. Hell there we more people in the Starbucks drive through than at most of these games. Without further ado here all all my picks. All research, and writing done from my office, aka the first stall in my offices bathroom.

I will be ranking each bowl based on a few criteria that I believe will give teams a strategic advantage.

Mascot – which mascot is the rowdiest

Head coach – experience, balls, overall demeanor

Offense– who can fucking score, running backs that can hurdle defenders, one handed catches etc.

Defense-bat shit crazy linebackers with tats, poundage of defensive line, corners who wear long sleeve shirts etc.

_________________________________________________________________

The Wet Your Beak, Ponzi Scheme Awareness Bowl Presented by Pardon My Take Presented by Barstool Sports Bowl (formerly known as the Boca Raton Bowl)

Western Kentucky vs. Memphis 

Mascot: this is a tough one as normally I tend to favor the obscure. But I have literally no fucking clue what western Kentucky’s mascot even is. After some googling it appears to be a big red blob. Memphis has a live fucking tiger. Edge to Memphis.

Offense: WKU has a QB who has thrown over 4K yards and two 1000+ yard receivers. Memphis can also score but when looking up rush stats on ESPN for Memphis I got an invalid URL error so fuck em. Edge to WKU

Defense: Both of these defenses are about as easy to run through as the Tri-Delta sorority at Arizona State. WKU holds a slight edge in amount of quarter pounders that the line could consume with 1130 total pounds on the line to 1050 for Memphis. Memphis does have a solid neck tat game in their line-backing core but WKU combats that with flat tops and dreads in theirs. No edge to either team here, expecting this to be a shootout.

QB’s GF: This is a tough one but giving the edge to WKU. QB Mike White’s gf is not only a smokeshow but also a teacher to kids who have autism. I’m a sucker for teachers so gotta go with WKU here, but you be the judge.

Head coach: This may be the most lopsided category in this match-up of perennial mediocrities. Mike Norvell of Memphis played some college ball and has worked his way up through the system as assistant and coordinator and now head coach for one season at Memphis. Jeff Brohm of WKU however has a resume for the ages, he has coached arena football, college football, and my personal favorite, played in the XFL (Link to an amazing video here). Actually I don’t care if Memphis had Belichick coaching, you play in the XFL you got my respect. Hard advantage to WKU here

Final verdict: Based on the above, and my patented 5 category system. The edge will go to the Hilltoppers of WKU. The big red blob swallows the tigers here in a shootout, 52-45

Attendance prediction: Kentucky and Memphis are not exceedingly far from Boca Raton and provides for a dual purpose vacation. Capacity of the stadium is just shy of 30,000 but it will be a miracle to fill even half. Of course the official count will be much higher than appears so I’ll say 6,950, book it.

Check back in daily for the next update, I’ll be right back.